Coffeybean Family

Life in Limbo

2010-01-30T07:53:00.000-08:00

My life is so weird right now.

I have 39 days (and so many hours and minutes and seconds because Jamie determined on the baby countdown calendar that Noah would be born at 5 p.m. on his due date) until D-Day. Right now I am scrambing to check off that elusive "Being ready for a new baby" checklist I've got going on in my mind, which includes finishing a bunch of sewing, getting all necessary baby gear out, packing up absolutely everything in this house that I will not NEED until we move (which makes me feel so materialistic and definitely failing the minimalist side in me...after all if I own anything I can live without for a few months, do I need to own it. Yes, I do!! LOL) and fighting with myself about what I actually want to pack as opposed to what I don't. I can't stand to pack decorative things down in my front room yet, because the baby needs to be born into a homey environment, according to my Melissa sense, and yet my Jamie-diagnosed-Vulcan-logic says otherwise. I mean all Noah will notice is bottle, boobs and a wet diaper until we leave right? :)

Noah has clothes, cloth diapers, wool covers, PUL covers, custom soft soled shoes that won't fit him until his first Christmas, hats, and gear...bottles and lotion, and everything you need for a "new one baby" (As Mallory calls him) I have my birth supplies, herbs, gorgeous new diaper bag for all the places I never even go, books, and knitting to do while in my bed rest time right after he's born. Still a few more things to do, but not nearly enough.

Noah is due March 11. Appproximately 60 days after his arrival is the day we've been waiting for since arrive in NM 5 years ago. Graduation. The day that marks the end of all the hell we've been through...seeing Jamie through to his second bachelor's degree...the one that will put him where he wants to be career wise. We know this marks the end of our stay here in the Land of Enchantment (or Entrapement, according to who you talk to). We'll be off on a new adventure at the end of May and yet we still have NO idea what the destination is.

This is my life in limbo. Pack boxes that you have no idea where they'll land. Where will we live? Will we rent? Will we buy? Is there even a house big enough for us in our new location? Will this be where we grow old, or merely another pit stop on the way. I am tired of preparing for our life. I want to start it, but quite frankly, I haven't been ready. To me, doing anything here....being who I really am, making friends, joining groups and being involved meant that I was committed to this place. I couldn't commit to this place. The day we got here I wanted to leave and so I've spent the last few years living in a bubble, focusing my time and energies on only the things I could pack up and take with me. Weird when you think about it. I am leaving NM with a whole new skill set than when I arrived, having sold one business, started another....pulling back from that and learning that autonomy suits me better than camraderie, honing my writing skills, getting published, learned to knit, had a couple babies (at home this time...) and just generally grew up. I've touched on passions, and then pulled away from them, knowing this was not the place to put down roots for anything. Anything. Nothing at all.

Now the name of the game is to keep moving. Keep busy. Keep active. Moving towards a destination, and a destiny that still hasn't felt it needs to reveal itself and probably won't until the very last minute. That seems to be the way our life plays out :)

Really disturbed

2010-01-14T16:30:00.000-08:00

Boy, oh boy, is this bothering me tonight.

I sometimes cruise around on a parenting board, mostly for buying baby things and looking at things people have made, but every now and then I look at the discussions going on. One in particular caught my eye the other day. It was posted by a girl who's friend had just lost her baby, later in the pregnancy. She wanted suggestions about how to show she cared. I had to reply and at the end of my post I mentioned a book that had brought me comfort when Matthew died. It was a book a friend who had also experienced a loss recommended.

Today I went to check back on the post, to see if there were any updates and see what others had suggested. Someone else had to offer her bit of advice "That book the other person mentioned...well it got bad reviews because it brings up abortion....I wouldn't get that." Number one, if you haven't read it and haven't experienced a loss, shut up. Seriously. Number two, let me paraphrase the bad reviews, in Melissa fashion, because I too read them....

"I am appalled that a Christian book would stoop to addressing abortion in a book about loss. I am a GOOD CHRISTIAN who wanted her baby and find it offensive that you would include evil woman who CHOSE the death of their babies. After all, if they feel bad now, good, they deserve it. You should not compare the two because I am a much better person and deserve to feel more grief, have more sympathy doled on me, and God even cares more about my grief because I didn't KILL my baby..."

What is this? WHAT IS THIS?? These are CHRISTIANS?? Are they serious?? Unfortunately they are. They really truly believe these words.

I have said this a million times. I hate abortion. But why, oh why, should a woman hurting so badly be denied the comfort the Bible offers just because she made a choice sometime ago and now deeply regrets it. I mean, it's not like she picked up the book because she's happy about her abortion. I am sure there are books that discuss that. This is not one of them. This book is about the Christian perspective of where stillborn, miscarried and even aborted babies go. It's about the Biblical references about a baby's soul and about healing from grief. It has nothing to do with who deserves to go through the grief. How could it?

I seriously wanted to reach through the computer and smack the crap not only out of the "The book got a bad review, but I know nothing about what it actually says.." lady......but of all the nasty reviewers as well.

I live on the other side of a loss now. It's a part of me. It sucked. It will suck for every single person that ever has to go through it. And yes, I wanted him. But that does not, in any way, give me permission to feel as though I am somehow a better person than anyone else. It doesn't give that permission to anyone.

I truly feel sorry for those who ride around in life on their high horse because inevitably, they will fall off it someday, and I imagine it's gonna hurt :(

And this affects you how exactly??

2010-01-05T12:50:00.000-08:00

My best friend is great. She always has some sarcastic comment, placed just at the right time, that shines a huge glaring light on people's stupidity. She also lives vicariously through me, in the aspect of all the kiddos I have. Whenever she finds out we are expecting a new one, she loves to share it with all the people in her life that think we are just nuts. She gets a huge kick out of the "OMG!! Are you serious??? How many IS THAT??" comments she always gets. Her reply is always the same "Why do you care??" She's advised me to start telling people to give me their addresses so that when I need to ask them for a check to support my children, I can also get their opinion on the matter at that time! Classic!

It's probably the liberatarian in me, but I often wonder, why do people care so much about what other people are doing? I get it if we're talking crack, child molestation, murder....but just the basic life choices we all make, I don't. How does what one person does really, truly affect you? If I homeschool my children, why on earth do some public school moms get so up in arms about that? Why do they care? It doesn't affect THEM, so why get all upset over it? I never have understood that. Now if I said "You use public school? Oh you suck..." I'd understand the indignation, but I don't say that. I am not even thinking it. I seriously do not have the time or mental energy to worry about what other people are doing in their lives or with their children. I just live with the basic assumption that if you have children and are semi-mentally stable, you are pretty much always doing what you think is best for your family. Good enough for me. I don't have time to argue about these things. I am do busy doing MY thing. Want advice or have a question? Fine, I'll take time, but I will not engage in some sort of debate in which you try to convince me your choice is better because quite honestly, I don't care. I am a fairly intelligent person and how I live my life is not up for debate. It doesn't affect you.

Today I found out our dentist, who reamed me up one side and down the other about nursing my youngest past one year old, is well known for this behavior. Mallory has enamel loss. As does her oldest sister. It runs in my family. Both she and Calla, who wasn't nursed for even close to a year have horrible teeth that have cost us a pretty penny to get fixed. I can deal with that. It sucks, but it's what they drew from the gene pool and we'll deal with issues as they come, and do what we can to keep their teeth healthy. However, I sat in the hot seat, and this woman let me know without remorse that essentially my choice to nurse Mallory past a year old was the direct cause of the cavaties in her teeth. I left her office feeling like the scum of the earth, which was a really weird feeling seeing as how most of the women in my immediate circles were also strong nursing advocates. How could something I had been told was the best thing for my baby be the cause of this? Logic left me, because had it been present, I would have asked her "Okay, that's nice, so what's the problem with Calla then? Why are her teeth the way they are? Think I am still nursing her too??" (Yes, this conversation took place long after Mallory was done nursing....but she didn't believe me....dumbass)

My point to this rant is how does this affect this lady? Why is she SO against nursing and cosleeping to the point of attacking her clients who do these things? For all the children she does see with cavities presenting because of juice, pop, sugary foods....why is she so damn intent on attacking human milk producers? It makes no sense and quite frankly borders on unethical. When someone has this sort of prejudice against a certain issue or type of people, they really need to examine themselves daily before interacting with those very people. Anything less is socially irresponsible.

I am one mad Momma bear this afternoon. The new dentist has been called. Appointments have been scheduled and once my logic replaces my disgust, a letter will be drafted explaining exactly why we left her practice. Maybe then I'll feel better about all this.

The Good Mother

2010-01-04T09:37:00.000-08:00

Kyle, my oldest, wasn't more than five seconds old when I decided I was going to be the best mother ever. Part of that interpretation was striving to be nothing like my own mother was. I'd do it *differently* for sure. To date, I can say I have, however I would have done better to more thoroughly analyze what about her behavior (or my perception of it) I didn't want to emulate rather than just saying "I'll never be like HER..."

What do I really think a good mother is? That's changed so much over the years, but after mothering for almost 12 years I think I have a good grasp of what it is and isn't. I used to think being a good mother was being everything to my child and doing everything for my child. I wanted to convey "I love you" in anyway possible, even to the detriment of my children. That meant never asking them to do anything, being their constant playmate and companion, giving up all to give them all and doing everything within my power to make sure their lives were lived on boats in a wave free ocean. But life still happened and there were some hard knocks I couldn't protect them from. Once I realized there was no way to shield them from life's hurts, I learned a valuable lesson about what my role actually was in these bumps in the road. Not to protect them, but to comfort them. To understand, walk them through the feelings, let them know it was okay to feel, that it was healthy to feel. Anger, sadness, loss, confusion...that all these were part of the human condition and could actually make us stronger, better people, not paralyze us and harm our quality of life.

To me, being a good mother first and foremost is about passion. It's about communicating to your child they are important to you and what's important to them, therefore is important to you. Hate cats? My husband does. But his daughters would be lost without theirs and so they are important to him. It's no secret they aren't his favorite creatures but his daughters know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he cares they care. I show true appreciation and my sincere awe at my boys every time they show me some great Lego creation they've come up with. I'm not faking it. I know they've spent a ton of time and mental energy building and so I take interest. They will never hear "Not right now, I'm just too busy..." when it comes to telling me something, showing me something or asking me a question (I reserve the too busy for when they are whining and tattling on each other...I stay too busy until they've worked it out themselves...)

Being a good mother also requires me to separate feelings (the passion) from the facts. Case in point would be my son and his constant battle to finish his kitchen chores. I know he's capable of doing an excellent job. I've seen it many times over. Yet everytime I have to call him back in for doing a really crappy job, my heart strings are tugged a bit because I know he hates doing the job. I hate doing the job to be quite honest, but it's the one area of responsibility he has in this house and I know he can do it well. This is where I struggle. I want to say "Awww...I'll do it for you..." or "Well you can leave it until you're done playing..." but the fact is it does not serve him now or in the future to be let off the hook from a job he is required to do and has the ability to do. I am not serving him well by acclimating him to a life of play before work or leaving something undone because he "doesn't feel like" doing it. In the future that kind of attitude will cost him employment, healthy relationships and ultimately a happy, fufilling life. When he gets in there and actually does his job well, his attitude completely changes. He's proud of himself and happy that he's pleased us as well. It's hard to keep the pressure on, but that's being a good mom.

Being a good mom means eating crow.....a lot. It's saying sorry right then and there when you've done something unjust, said something mean and acted out of line, AND doing it without placing blame on the child for your behavior. The other day I dropped a very nasty word bomb on my son (about the kitchen no less....) and then he yelled very loudly at me. At that point, my husband stepped in and asked my son to meet him in the bedroom. He was going to discipline him because his behavior was way out of line. But I stopped him. I said, in front of my son, "No, we are both wrong. He cannot be disciplined for reacting to my bad mouth...it's okay..." And then we talked about it. I was still mad, he was still mad, but I did not play the "I am the adult, and therefore my bad mouth is okay...but since you are a child, yours is not..." This is the quickest way to rebellion in a child. If you expect him or her to act a certain way, you better be modeling it yourself day in and day out, or else you're nothing but a hypocrite. The bad word? It was the worst. The good old F bomb. We talked about that too. I explained to my children that if you ever accept that kind of language into your life (which I had no problem with in my early adult years...) it becomes very hard to keep that word from slipping in moments of stress and anger, so the best solution is to never say them in the first place. I explained how embarassing it is when it comes flying out of my mouth and how hard I struggle to control that. I don't want that for them.

Admit past mistakes when talking to your children about choices they'll be faced with. We believe in abstinence until marriage. We already talk to our older children about it. And we don't do it from the platform that "good people" don't have sex before marriage. We are very truthful about the fact that sex can ALWAYS equal a baby. Not that it does, but it CAN. So if you aren't ready for sex as procreation, you aren't ready for sex as recreation. We are, and will be more as it's appropriate, honest about our past mistakes in this area. I can honestly say it still bothers me that I didn't wait for my husband. I gained absolutely nothing from premarital relations and my husband feels the same. We would never say "You cannot ever ever ever do this..." We will say "We feel this way about this because this is what we've seen in our own lives and others...we want better for you than that...." We will talk to them about the logics of things they are considering. Such as, what does it hurt to wait until marriage? What is the bad side to it? We will also equip them way before necessary with the tools and knowledge about why that choice will be really hard to follow through on. We've told our son, who giggles constantly at his daddy always grabbing at his mommy, that here in a few years girls will start looking really good to him. And a few years after that he will be the one wanting to do the grabbing, that he was MADE that way. I really hate the guilt trip people lay on their children for having normal and healthy emotions and physical reactions. That's just crap. It's like saying it's not okay to be hungry. Of course it's okay to be hungry. It's just better not to stuff your face with crap, and instead choose healthier foods. Same concept.

I don't know if my children will say I was a good mom when they get older. I do hope so. I hope they can see past my mistakes, or even through them with a filter of "Yeah mom messed up but I love how she admitted it and said she was sorry." I do know that it's my goal to let them know they are loved, that every decision made on their behalf will be done so with their best interest in mind and that they live in a home where every thought and feeling they have is valued and will never be brushed aside. I suppose that's what makes any relationship healthy and worth pursuing.

The Visible Reproductive Choice

2010-01-01T15:26:00.000-08:00

I have had a lot on my mind about large families just because right now, I am a walking whale with five children in tow. People notice our family in a way they don't tend to when I'm not hugely pregnant. Right now there is a visible statement that says "No we aren't done..." and so of course people's comments bring up all sorts of thoughts and feelings about our family for me.

I love that our family is big. However, one thing people don't realize is that our choice in no way indicates that we look down on other people's choices in this area. It's just so personal. I know many people with two children. Many. I know they love their children with every breath they breathe and ironically follow the same thought process with the choices they've made, that we have in the choices we've made. We just reached different conclusions based on the various factors we've plugged in to the process. Nothing more, nothing less.

The hardest part about having a large family is that our reprodutive choice is very visible. And because of this people comment all. the. time. Everywhere we go someone has something to say. "You sure do got your hands full...." "Don't you know what causes that...." "You done yet?" It's like wow. Most people don't even think about this because they don't hear it every single time they leave their house. Most people have no idea how rude it is, and really how crass. I mean let's turn it around for a second. Let's say I walk into a diner, with all five of mine...and look at a family sitting there with an 8 year old and a 6 year, eating quietly, enjoying their time together (the mother the most because she didn't cook if she's anything like me LOL!!) and I say "Oh wow....which one of you got fixed??" Or "That's great that your birth control works so well..." OUCH!! I mean seriously. Those are PRIVATE issues. Between a husband and a wife, not the general public. It's just not socially acceptable to ask someone with only one or two children why they only have that many. And guess what? I am JUST as curious about those families as they are about mine, but I have enough social grace to keep my nose in my own business. I do wonder if this family got so overwhelmed when they had two little ones that they chose to stop (because I was so totally there) or if they were afraid they couldn't afford anymore (because we so totally felt the same way...), but honestly it's just not my business.

Sigh. I just wish society could get a little more up to speed about keeping quiet when they are about to ask something totally personal. I am the type of person to just smile and keep going, but the smart ass in me (that I try to keep under wraps around my children) would love to just once say..."Yes we definitely know what causes this. It's called semen. It works better than KY Warming Gel when it comes to a great physical sensation during sex..." or something equally as graphically shocking. I mean, why not? Why use generalities when someone is asking something so very personal right? LOL!! Maybe next time, I'll just say "We had the boys on purpose, we got the girls in China..." just to confuse the people looking for some sort of ethnic distinction in my very fair, brown haired blue eyed girls and just laugh at the stupidity of it all.

Until then, I'll probably just smile and walk on.....or for the next couple months....waddle on....

Narcissim of large family opponents

2009-12-28T13:49:00.000-08:00

While there are many reasons people have bad attitudes about large families, one in particular grates on my nerves in a special sort of way. The general "not enough attention for each child..." or even worse "The older ones raise the younger ones..." comments people love to spew when turning up their nose at the large family.

My problem with this lies in the expressed idea that only the parent/child relationship in a family holds any value. Oh where do I even start? I know it's hard to wrap our minds around, but the fact is siblings play a huge role in another siblings development in a way most families don't even get to experience because they stop at two children. They don't see what we see, or experience what we experience.

So let's get started on this, from the point of view of someone actually living in a large family.

#1- I am my child's parent, not his or her playmate. Oh the horror. I know most people reading something like this would "tsk, tsk..." because after all, every *GOOD* parent will spend hours playing Legos on the floor, sitting in sheet forts having tea parties, and pretending to be a lion in a jungle in some sort of weird game the kiddos have made up that they completely understand but you do not. I will preface my opinion by saying I absolutely agree that quality time spent with a children on their own level is very important, but it's not how I spend my days. I will not apologize for being the Mom, tinkering around the kitchen making yummy snacks to deliver to my two girls in their tea part tent. I will sit for a cookie or two, then leave them behind in that magical place that only exists in childhood to go do my "Mommy things..." all the while listening in, delighting in their delight, but not feeling horrible that I don't want to sit in there with them. They have playmates built right in. And let's face it. As adults we much prefer the company of someone who enjoys what we enjoy. I would much rather take my best friend to the craft store than my husband whom I love dearly. But it's so much more fun to be with someone who "gets it" at any stage in life and with so many children hanging around during the day each of my children has someone to go on an adventure with, no matter where that takes them.

#2- A child who helps with his or her younger siblings needs is not "raising them..." Come on people. Let's look at a common scenario in our home. Mom is switching laundry, folding laundry, making something, doing SOMETHING, and our toddler crawls out of bed, hungry and ready to eat. I ask my oldest son or daughter if they would mind making her a bowl of oatmeal because they can get to it faster than I can. I can assure you that this older children is not raising my toddler by helping get them breakfast. They did not have to work at a job to purchase the oatmeal in the first place, nor to purchase the bowl and spoon it will be served with. They didn't have to look for it because they know exactly where everything is due to Mom being an organizational nut, nor did they have to worry about the nutritional value of what the toddler was being served. That is parenting. Doing a job to your ability to help out Mom or Dad is not. When did children become little masters with parents as slaves, and when did it become abuse to have them lift a finger to be useful to the family? I don't get that at all. The older siblings in my home bask in the glory of their two year old sister thinking they are wonderful because they have shown her they are capable of meeting her needs at times. I have watched a bratty 11 year old fix his sister some cereal, and then sit with her, dancing her stuffed little lamb across the table, singing silly songs just for the sheer joy that comes with having someone little and cute think you are the best thing since sliced bread. In our family our olders see it as "getting to help...." not "having to help..." It seems foreign to some people but not all older children hate their younger siblings.

#3-Not enough time for each child. I am sure this is different for every family, but I can say whole heartedly that in our house each child gets way more one on one than most children I see get. A lot of that is due to homeschooling. A lot of that is due to my husband and I severely curtailing our own interests and hobbies and replacing any kid free activities we used to enjoy with those the children can also participate in. So yeah, some of my scrapbook pages show the definite mark of a young child helping with it and video games get played regularly here....but it's all about being with them. It doesn't matter if you have 1 or 10, time spent with a child is all about a parent's priorities and in this day and age we've replaced quantity time with "quality time" which means stuffing a bunch of random crap in the two hours per weekend that most consider sufficient. Not us. We require daily fixes of our children's attention :) There are some days that I have to go seek THEM out because they are busy with each other. On those days, I go hang out with them in their rooms just to chit chat, or read to them out loud, all the while letting them do what they were doing. It works.

#4-And this is where I totally see narcissim in large family opponents. The train of thought that less children in a family equals a better quality of life for each child in that family. This speaks volumes. It says that the THINGS you can buy each children are more important than giving them lasting relationships. It says "I am the center of my child's universe, therefore I must limit how many people I can have that influence so I can do it right..." News flash. The parent/child relationship is NOT the only valuable one in the family. It's important, of course. But so if the lifelong bond that siblings will have in a way we, as parents, can't even touch. Every time I look around at my large brood, I have images of their futures with each other. I know fueds happens, and not all families are all Brady Bunch, but our children are close. I see two sisters who can be there for each other while making big decisions....helping each other with their children and their homes, two brothers that will take a day for fishing, or fixing a vehicle. Siblings who will have each other when their father and I slip into old age and REALLY tough decisions need to be made about us. And ultimately, a group of people that have a special bond when we pass on, each understanding as only they could about what that person meant to them. I cannot fathom allowing a child to bear that all alone, and so while some people look down their noses at the large family and all we can't do for our children, I in much the same way pity the small family (one child to be frank) that because of their parents decision to do everything for that child now is ensuring that child will also be doing EVERYTHING for his/her parents in a time where they could really use the support of one or more siblings.

Having a large family is a big decision (pun intended) and I know it's not right for everyone. However, those who really believe the children in a larger family are living some sort of hellish nightmare really need to be a bit better informed about the behind the scenes before opening their mouth...

Melissa, the Submissive

2009-12-25T15:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, just writing that title cracked me up. I'm unsheltered enough to have visions of S&M role playing in my mind every time I hear the word submissive. Yet, this is what I am. Most people who know our family understand our beliefs are Christian based and I am unashamedly a submissive wife and believe in Biblical submission. Yet, I can't help but cringe when I hear this word slung around by *men* because (which most Christians like to ignore, especially the men) the Bible tells women to submit. It never, ever, ever tells men to control their wives and force this upon them. It's between a woman and God. Her husband isn't even involved in this laying down of the will. At least he shouldn't be if he believe in the Bible at all.

So much about this principle is so very misunderstood, which is what I was pondering today as I sat in our living room, knitting, cracking up at my husband's trip down memory lane whilst stomping mushrooms and getting bigger and smaller as Mario, hero of the famous video game. Just thinking about what submission is, what my role is as a Christian wife and how people tend to view this based on those they may or may not know who claim to practice. The most common train of thought is that God, the big bad patriarch, made woman inferior to men, so we must *obey* them. Not so. That's not Biblical either :) The God in the Bible has both atttributes of male and female personas, thus both men and women are needed to complete the picture of who God is. He is described as He, however I don't think we're dealing with genatalia issues here, just a word. A being who has both the tenderness of a woman and the sturdiness of a man. He felt both were needed to make creation complete. There was no indication in creation that one sex was superior over the other, just different. Very different. Woman, soft, tender and vulnerable and man, hard, brash and untrusting in a way woman usually aren't.

And thus it is. Submission doesn't look like "Hey woman, you're doing this..." God did not create woman for a man to have someone to push around. He created them to complete man. To make him a whole being, without which he would lose a very important piece of being wise. In practical terms, my husband does not, nor has he ever even tried to "Be the boss of me..." (LOL, if you have children you totally understand this phrase) In a practical manner he will ask me to leave an issue alone that is greatly upsetting to me so that he can take it on and deal with it. Not because I am unable, but because he is MORE able. A real life example would be our landlord bullying us. It made me physically ill, the whole situation. He on the other hand, saw the injustice of the situation, needed no rhyme or reason. It was very black and white to him, she was wrong. But he also saw that she would never admit her wrongdoing, and thus he let it roll right off him, did what he felt needed done and all ended well. Me, on the other hand...well I just made myself absolutely sick with worry, pondering all the what ifs, trying so hard to justify myself to her, to anyone who would listen, knowing this wasn't about me. After a couple weeks of my obsessing about this, he finally "put his foot down" and had the "You need to chill out about this because it's making you sick. So from now on, I will deal with all emails and calls regarding this, and you leave it alone." Big meanie huh?? He took something that caused me worry, caused him absolutely no worry at all and essentially ended my self imposed suffering. I could have fought him on this, but I knew in my heart he was right. He usually is.

I honestly cannot think of one time in our 12+ years of marriage that we have ever butted heads on a decision. He has had his mind changed by me and the ideas and thoughts I've presented, and I've had my mind changed about the same, but never with heated words. It's more a "Hey hon, I was thinking about doing this...what do you think..." and then a "Well, I don't know.....did you think about this, this and this..." followed with " I never even thought about that, but if we do it that way, this would happen..." and so on and so forth. If...and a big if there ever were something I really felt strongly about, and he felt just as strongly, that's when it would be tough because I am called to let him lead in that situation. Being right in this situation doesn't matter because ultimately the lesson is his to learn, not mind. If he made a bad decision, that's his right as an adult. I am his wife, not his mother. If we disagreed to the point that it came to that, the only reaction to be had is one which became unacceptable the minute I turned 4 years old and temper tantrums were no longer tolerated.

I suppose with all this in mind, I have never understood the knee jerk reaction of 'Oh Hell No' when they hear the word submission because I have a full understanding of what God intended by those words. He intended for me to have the emotional protection of a man who loves me, who thinks more rationally than I tend to being a woman, and to not take on more responsibility than was mine to take on. For me, having grown up in a home where the woman definitely "wore the pants" it's been a refreshing liberation. I do my thing and live my life with joy and a carefreeness that I know most don't have. I have my husband's heart, his mind and his soul, and so every word I utter is paid attention to. Every thought, every feeling, worry and concern is carefully considered by him because he knows I respect and value him every bit as much as he does me.

I have so much more to say about this, but our littlest one has just woken in a bad mood and needs her Momma :)

The large family...so over it, seriously

2009-12-24T13:57:00.000-08:00

Not over HAVING one, but over the whole issue surrounding having one. Sigh. Seriously.

I was sewing a few minutes ago...a cloth diaper actually for baby #7 that I am currently gestating, and my thoughts went to my husband and his work environment. I don't know why. I have always been a random type person, but sewing for the new baby has had me thinking of all the different things people have said about the new one arriving in March. One memorable comment from a female co-worker of my husband's stands out in particular. She said that if she were me, she'd shoot my husband for getting me pregnant again. Hmmm. Where do I even start on this? First, if this was turned around and my husband said something so sexually charged in the work environment, well, we all know how that would play out. There would be SOME sort of reprimand given for sure. Secondly, hullo? Manners? Is it really that hard to keep your mouth shut if you don't know quite what to say when someone you work with lives quite differently than you do? Should my husband be allowed to address the lesbian he works with in that way. "Hey do you ever get tired of...you know....doing it without a penis involved?" Too crass? Perhaps, but somehow the thought of a firearm involved in our sex life is just as disturbing. Finally, what do these people actually think goes on around here? That my husband, who is a brilliant, funny, and well rounded guy, is married to some dumb cluck that #1-doesn't know what causes pregnancy, or #2-is in some sort of situation where I have no choice in the matter? What is that exactly? Sometimes I really wish we had the opportunity to see these people in a social setting so they could perhaps wrap their mind around the fact that a fairly intelligent woman can indeed have more than 1 or 2 children....you know...on purpose without there being some sort of weird situation happening behind closed doors. It just is what it is. We like children, we want a large family, we're pretty good at the activity that results in children and we have spiritual convictions that dictate those choices. Other than that, we're just like everyone else.

And that's all I have to say about that. For today :)

So here I go again....

2009-12-24T13:54:00.000-08:00

When I am sewing, knitting and cleaning....for some reason, I start to talk to myself. A sort of venting without exposing any one else to the randomness of my ponderings. It hit me today that's what blogging really is. Just sending off random thoughts that you can read back over, knowing no one out there is even paying attention, but if they do, it will spark some interesting discussion. And so I will blog again. Because I need to talk and shoot out those thoughts somewhere in the wild blue yonder as a way of getting out all those random weird thoughts that bounce around in my head as I argue with unseen opponents and other such stupid people that exist out "there" :) Here we go!

Back to blogging

2008-08-19T12:25:00.001-07:00

I miss it. Will start soon :)